I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
