screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can I color on your dick again?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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