He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Drunk is not a location!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
