If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My liver just had a heart attack.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
