if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
