you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
