I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
