i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
