We're facebook friends in real life
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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