I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize