There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
