Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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