Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
