We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize