I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize