i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
