took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
