so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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