Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
