just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
