You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
