When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
