this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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