I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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