Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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