Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We named our party play list daddy issues
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
