hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
