Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
