Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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