Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
