The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
