worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
