i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
