I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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