Sry I called you an 8
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
