Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
