All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
