Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
