how can u be prego again
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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