I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
