I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
