Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
