It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
