Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
