i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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