watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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