He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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