How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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