you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
