The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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