Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
