i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
