A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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