I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
