I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
