Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
