Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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