Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
