If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize