so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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