go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
