i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
