i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
