Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
