Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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