I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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