I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
