Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize